I’ve just conducted a funeral service at Dundee Crematorium. It’s the first I have done there since it re-opened recently. I had previously written to say that the chapel was closed for ceremonies. This was for refurbishment of the chapel itself – the cremation facilities themselves were unaffected and an arrangement was in place for families to hold services in a nearby hotel.
Now I can report that things are completely back to normal and everything is fully functional again.
When I visited Steven Stewart Funeral Directors’ new offices in Newport, Fife, recently, Rhys Small suggested that I also speak to his colleague Lynn Smith. So I drove over last week to the main office in Cupar and chatted with Lynn, the newest member of the team.
Lynn Smith
I started by asking my usual opener of how Lynn entered this world of funerals. And like so many of the people I ask, Lynn replied that she had always had a fascination for all things related to death. Some people might find that “morbid” but, in my experience, it often gives people a sharper appreciation of life.
But in Lynn’s case there was a twist. Although she had the funeral fascination, she was advised by someone connected to the profession “not to try to become a funeral director”. Because, they told her, “as a woman, you’ll never get ahead”.
So after leaving school, Lynn first went into retail management and then took a job in a GP practice, rising to practice manager. But her interest in the funeral world never really left. So when a job came up at Brewsterwells Crematorium, near St Andrews, Lynn applied. It was a great introduction to this world, especially as Brewsterwells was brand new and Lynn joined right at the start.
One open door sometimes leads to another. Earlier this year, Lynn was asked by Steven Stewart if she’d like to become a funeral director. It was the opportunity to follow the career she’d always wanted.
In a small independent company like Steven’s, everyone gets to do a bit of everything. Just days into the job Lynn was driving a hearse! It means that each day is incredibly varied.
And Lynn has brought her creative skills to “bear” in the team! Specifically, she makes handcrafted memorial bears. These beautifully made small bears are not just a comfort in themselves at a time of loss. Each one comes with a little tin heart that can hold some of a loved one’s ashes. They are a unique and highly personal memorial for the bereaved.
Lynn explained that she had always been highly creative and interested in craft. She had also loved to collect bears. Now she gets to combine these skills and interests with her passion for her chosen profession.
Thank you Lynn for sharing your story, proving that you certainly did get ahead in this business, and for showing me your beautiful memorial bears.
Every now and then I write a little piece on my local funeral directors. I’ve featured Steven Stewart Funeral Directors before – twice in fact… back in 2020 and a follow-up in 2021. But I decided to take the occasion of them opening a new office in Newport-on-Tay to post an update on their business. And this time my host was Rhys Small rather than Steven himself.
Rhys and Steven
Rhys has worked in the business for around five years. When I first did the rounds of the funeral directors in Dundee and Fife to introduce myself as a celebrant, it was Rhys who spoke to me at their main office in Cupar. Since joining he has been a key member of the team.
I asked how he had first come to work in the funeral business and he explained that he’d been working as a bar manager but was looking for something different. “My wife, Kaylie, runs a florists business called Oor Fleurs. Inevitably, she works a lot with funeral directors and she told me that Steven was looking for someone to join the business. I met him, we got on, and he offered me a job. I didn’t have any formal qualifications as a funeral director but Steven trained me in every aspect of the business”.
Since then Rhys has taken an important role in developing the business. He has helped to introduce new online systems and to build up their social media. He’s working on revamping their website, soon to be relaunched. And he has played a big part in preparing and opening the new office in Newport.
Family room
The office is in a central location on the High Street and is bright and welcoming. “It will make it much easier for families in north Fife and Dundee to visit us. We have an attractive family room where we can discuss funeral wishes and make arrangements in comfortable surroundings.”
Rhys and I chatted about how the Scottish funeral continues to develop and change. One challenge for independent funeral directors is the rise of the direct cremation. Pure Cremations and other big companies are relentlessly advertising these – mainly by stressing how much money people can save. But as Rhys explained, a reputable funeral director can also arrange direct cremations. And in the case of Steven Stewart, they have a service room in Cupar, so can host a respectful ceremony, arrange music, engage an officiant (whether ministers, priests or celebrants). And still offer a competitive price and personalized service.
Greater choice is all very well but in the aftermath of bereavement it can be overwhelming. Recognizing this, Steven Stewart like most funeral directors, offer ways to plan ahead. It can help your family with one set of decisions when you’re gone. Of course, most funeral directors offer “funeral plans” (Steven Stewart work with Golden Charter) but these are essentially financial packages and not everyone wants to, or can, commit to a plan. Rhys wanted to stress that they will talk to people about their “funeral wishes”. A way of exploring options without commitment and in a relaxed environment. He’s currently working on an online form that can help people to think about choices and safely record them. As a celebrant, I’m especially keen that people have choices in the person they want to lead their ceremonies and we talked about a possible link-up to the Scottish Independent Celebrants’ Association (SICA).
Congratulation to Steven, Rhys and all the team on the new offices in Newport and thanks for taking the time to speak to me.
BLIPS – Brief Limited Intermittent Psychotic Symptoms. If these episodes are a part of your own life, how might you explain them to other people? Well, you could download an article from a medical journal. You could just describe your feelings, your experience.
Or you could do as Margot Mansfield does in her powerful show at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, and try, through the energy of her intensely personal performance, to immerse her audience in a direct experience of her reality as she lives it. This is not an easy show – a jarring, jangling soundscape assaults the ear. Margot confronts us with some of her deep fears and Siri-regulated paranoia.
And she uses her circus skills to create striking physical images of precariousness and of life only just in balance. The driving need to keep things in frantic motion just to stay upright.
Such an emotional and brutally honest performance could overwhelm…. but Margot, with circus instinct, deftly employs humour to keep us in balance. Hugely recommended.
On Monday 29th July, I hosted a zoom session for celebrants and end-of-life doulas on the possible implications of assisted dying legislation. There is a Bill currently before the Scottish Parliament that would legalize a form of assisted dying. What might that mean for our work?
I assembled a panel of three experts. Naomi Richards is Director of the End of Life Studies Group at the University of Glasgow and has made a study of this topic. Sarah Farr is an end-of-life doula (or soul midwife) who works in Toronto, Canada. Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD) is already legal in Canada and Sarah works with people who have requested this, so she brought first-hand experience to the workshop.
Finally, Kelly Oberle, like Sarah and myself, is a recent graduate of the Glasgow University MSc programme in End of Life Studies – the programme on which Naomi is a senior lecturer. So for the four of us, it felt a bit like a reunion!
Kelly, who also lives in Canada, interviewed families of people who had requested MAiD as part of her research. Like Sarah, she came to the meeting with personal experience of the issues raised by assisted dying.
We opened the workshop with Naomi’s presentation. She first talked about definitions and terms. What assisted dying is… and what it isn’t. She talked about the difference between euthanasia and physician assisted suicide. And she broadened this by looking at the different countries aroundthe world that have legalized some form of assisted dying. That allowed her to talk about the different models that exist and she contrasted Oregon in the USA with the Benelux model. She compared eligibility and she discussed how the procedure is actually administered. (The euthanasia vs physician-assisted suicide route.) By doing this, she was able to speak about the Scottish Bill and how it would work. She also mentioned developments in the Isle of Man and Jersey as well as in Westminster.
Sarah then spoke about her work as a Canadian end-of-life doula. A large proportion of her clients have requested MAiD and so she has first-hand experience of the issues they face. Lack of information, gaps in provision, differences between provinces within Canada…. Sarah spoke about the real day-to-day challenges of this new way of dying. It made me realize that there would be such a need for the work of people like Sarah if Scotland legalized assisted dying. But would there be funding….?
Before I asked Kelly to speak about her research I played a little film. This was a 3-minute glimpse of a “living wake”. In it, a Canadian man in a hospital ward is shown surrounded by family and friends. We learn that this is his own “wake”. Friends and family give tributes and there is music and food and drink. At the end we read that the man died the following day at his own request. It’s an intense and incredibly moving video – whatever one’s own feelings about assisted dying. I have thought a lot about it and about the potential role for celebrants in these sorts of situations.
Kelly then spoke about her research. Her interviews were of people who had actually experienced a relative choose MAiD. They spoke of their feelings: of stigma, of guilt, of sadness. They often talked about a series of “lasts” – a last meal, a last walk, a last glass of wine. That will be true of anyone regardless of how they die. True retrospectively….but for people who choose assisted dying and their families, there are what Kelly described as “opportunities to be intentional”. Perhaps the most striking word that she found people using to describe the death of their friend or relative was “beautiful”.
There was a lot of information presented. And attendees had lots of questions. Some points of information. Many questions of the practicalities of how things work in Canada, how Sarah actually works with families, the “nitty-gritty” of how people negotiate the realities of MAiD.
People also expressed a willingness to learn about this in preparation for what may happen in Scotland, what is also happening in the wider British (and Irish) context. In particular there was a desire to continue to exchange information with Canada and a recognition of the immense store of experience that people like Sarah and Kelly have amassed.
I suggested that it would be good to keep in contact and to arrange another workshop in the future. If you’re a celebrant or doula and are interested in this issue (or if you want to chat about Glasgow University’s End of Life Studies Programme) and what it could mean for your work, please do contact me here.
Last week I met Stewart Abercrombie who was the musician at a funeral I was conducting at Brewsterwells Crematorium, near St Andrews.
Stewart Abercrombie, musician
I’d never worked with Stewart, so I thought I’d have a chat … the chat grew into a little interview… and I decided to add to the occasional series of musician showcases on my blog.
I started by asking him how his interest in music started:
“For as long as I remember, music was always present, and song continues to play a big part in family gatherings. My father and uncle won numerous trophies in their accordion competition days, and that is the music I grew up listening to. And which now plays a big part in my career. Hearing live performances from such a young age inspired me to take up the mantle myself. I began piano lessons at primary school and studied it throughout secondary to advanced Higher. But the learning never stops. I always endeavour to improve technique and to widen my repertoire. Each genre and composer has their own demands and technicalities to polish.”
Loving to play music is one thing, of course, but I wondered when it turned into a career for Stewart?
“In 2015, the three Fife crematorium organists retired and services were then to be engaged on a self-employed basis. A family friend in the funeral business suggested I enquire and put my talents to use. The job was something entirely new to me at the time and I remember only too well as a teenager how daunting it was to play for such important services! My confidence has grown steadily throughout the years and in gaining all the experience I have in this very niche field of work. I find this career path extremely rewarding as it makes a difference to individuals in difficult circumstances. No two funerals are the same. I also love that each day varies. One morning I’m in Falkirk, and in the afternoon I could be in Perth or Dundee – I work across Scotland although I’m Fife based.
“In my career so far, I’ve covered a broad range of events. (I embrace everything that’s thrown my way with enthusiasm.) As a full time pianist and organist, the majority of my work consists of weddings, funerals, other ceremonies, recitals and accompaniment to other musicians and singers.
“I also began playing the accordion and violin many years ago and I enjoy playing Scottish country dance music. Being in that scene for some time has afforded many performance experiences to me, playing in bands and ensembles, ceilidhs etc. I’ve even been asked to play solo accordion and fiddle at graveside ceremonies – which was a real honour.”
At the funeral we both worked on, Stewart accompanied a hymn. He also played a medley of mainly 1960s folk music including a version of El Cóndor Pasa. I know that Stewart had spoken directly to the family. So I asked him to say more about how he works with families.
“I’m generally engaged through a funeral director, or officiant. But if the bereaved family have any special requests they often speak directly to me. You have to be a consummate professional in the field of funerals. There’s just no room for error and everything has to be right. I discuss the family’s wishes down to the last detail to make sure their loved one has the fitting service. Often I can advise clients of pieces that may be suitable if they are undecided under the pressure of the circumstances. I’m able to play a huge variety of pieces in different genres – my own tastes are hugely eclectic.”
We talked a little about the decline of hymn singing. Stewart noted that: “since the pandemic there’s been a great surge in the use of ‘canned’ hymns with choirs, which for any self-respecting musician is heartbreaking.” I agreed, but noted that it can be awkward when there’s a hymn but no-one sings. What can we do about that? Well, we both felt that there are other ways to bring traditional hymn tunes into services. They can be played to accompany the coffin being brought in without the need for singing. They can be woven into a medley that reflects and evokes a life.
The important thing, we agreed, was offering families the opportunity for live music. As Stewart said “I think music undoubtedly plays an integral part to ceremonies like weddings and funerals – when it’s done correctly it can express emotion that words alone can’t. Much loved pieces of music that mean something to a family make a service so intimate and personal”. He’d love to see more soloists, whether it be woodwind, brass, string players, vocal performers or organists performing a part in funerals, just as we see in weddings so often.
Stewart went on to say how he loves the challenge of navigating a new organ (new to him – in some cases these instruments are 150 years old!)
“Sitting down and getting to know an instrument and getting a feel for the colours and possibilities it offers for the first time is like being a kid in a sweetie shop. I’m passionate about sharing how versatile and expressive the instrument can be. When approached with an open mind and imagination, the organ’s bounds extend much further than cliché hymns and stereotypes.”
Stewart ended by summing up: “I have been a church organist for nearly a decade and I’m currently privileged to serve the congregation of St Bryce, Kirkcaldy. It’s a grand old building built in 1877 of 13th century gothic style. The congregation are fantastic and I’m lucky to accompany their choir on a three manual organ and grand piano.
“Music has been extremely rewarding to me. I’m almost 28 and look forward to the future opportunities it presents.”
And away from music, which clearly plays such a huge part in his life? “I have a love of studying history and architecture. I enjoy the countryside and the outdoors. I have a love of horses and keep a large selection of poultry. I love good food, drink and socialising with friends.”
Thanks to Stewart for taking the time to chat! He can be contacted on 07766 477834. Or by email: abercrombieorganist@yahoo.com. Or via my own contact form.
Below is a little clip of him playing Elgar’s Imperial March at St Margaret’s Memorial Church, Dunfermline.
Most celebrants will be familiar with the various kinds of picture tributes that are now possible at funerals. Obitus, a company that provides music for many crematoriums, can also display photos or pictures on a screen or screens. Their products range from a single photo that remains static throughout the ceremony to slideshows.
Michael at Brewsterwells below the tribute screen (from a staged funeral, not the service referred to in the blog)
These can be set up in different ways. They can loop through the entire service, for example. Or can provide a moment of focus or reflection with the slides being set to music.
At a recent funeral that I was to conduct, the partner of the person who had died was very keen to use some of the many hundreds of photos that the couple had taken throughout their life together. They were great travellers and these pictures chronicled their many adventures. But we were unsure whether to loop them throughout the service or find a piece of music to set them to. Looping them means that they do form the backdrop of the ceremony. But it can detract from the spoken eulogy and at the same time, people don’t really focus on the pictures or the story that they tell.
Making them a point of focus seemed a better solution but what music would be appropriate and not distracting? Or would it be possible to show them in silence?
In the end, I suggested that I speak to the slides. This would be quite normal in other situations. But I’d never done anything like it in a funeral. And my worry was that it would seem too like a powerpoint presentation. I was also concerned about the logistics. Would I be able to see the photos and stay close enough to the microphone? Would I have long enough for each slide?
Helpfully, the photos illustrated milestones and themes in the person’s life. So I was able to note these themes in the spoken eulogy in advance of the photos. That meant I felt I could make more general comments as the slides rolled by, rather than it feeling like spoken captions. The ceremony was at Brewsterwells Crematorium where SICA had held a series of staged funerals and I was able to look at the visuals to check if I could see screen easily while staying close to the mic. I also called Obitus who were very helpful and double-checked that the pictures were in the right order. They explained just how long each slide would display and how long the transitions would be.
Overall, and having now watched a recording of the service, I feel it went well. It brought focus to a life of travel and adventure. It complemented the spoken eulogy. And it provided variety and a a change of tone.
I’m sure other celebrants have done similar things with images but this was a first for me. Definitely something I can suggest in future.
I finished my MSc in End of Life Studies at the end of 2023 and duly enrolled on the July 2024 graduation. For our School, summer graduation takes place on the Dumfries Campus, not at the main Glasgow University buildings. I was disappointed at this and decided to organize something private in Glasgow anyway.
The Dumfries Campus is pretty – very leafy and green, with some beautiful buildings. But for me it doesn’t have the historical or emotional connections that I feel in the main university area of Glasgow. So I decided I would ask my good friend and celebrant colleague, Gillian Robertson, to lead a little private ceremony. Gillian has conducted graduation ceremonies in the past and she was happy to do this with me.
Smiles (but there were also tears!)
It turned out that several of my fellow students were also interested in the idea. The masters course was delivered online, so we are quite a far-flung group with students from several countries. But by happy coincidence several of the Canadian students were attending a conference in Glasgow immediately before the graduation. So in all, five out of the six “Dumfries graduands” would be in Glasgow just before the main ceremony. Plus another two of the continuing students – one from Glasgow itself, the other from Portugal.
Gillian and I did an early reconnaissance trip in March to plan just where we would hold this impromptu ceremony. We earmarked the Learning Hub where we could all gather (with a café and toilets!). Then we decided we would all process over to the front of the main historic building, overlooking the Kelvin. But we also realized that we might have to be a bit flexible in dealing with the Scottish weather…
And so it turned out – decidedly wet and windy conditions kept us under cover. In the end, Gillian, Marian Krawczyk (Programme Convenor), the five students, plus family and friends gathered in the “cloisters”.
Wrapping it up
Gillian (herself a Glasgow graduate) had familiarized herself with the themes of the course, and been in touch with the students and lecturers so that she could put together a short but very appropriate and inspiring address. She also wove in some words of Maya Angelou and then invited each of to speak about the personal impact of achieving something like this (in some cases, like my own, somewhat late in life). She also delivered a message from the Director of the End of Life Studies Group and my personal supervisor, Dr Naomi Richards. And she even had beautiful gifts for us all from Gina in Mexico who had graduated last winter. (And a little “minding” from Glasgow itself.)
It was a very moving and special moment. Quite different from the more public spectacle of the main Dumfries ceremony. Much more personal and tailored to our own circumstances and the nature of the programme.
The experience underlines the variety of ceremonies and rituals that celebrants can lead. I wanted to thank Gillian for putting it together and leading it so sensitively and effectively. I’m sure she would be very happy to speak to anyone thinking about staging a private ceremony to honour academic achievements, and to find ways to make it an even more special occasion.
Michael Hannah and Angela Maughan at the Landmark Hotel, Dundee
I mentioned in a previous blog that Dundee crematorium was closing for refurbishments. To be more accurate, it has closed for services – it will still continue to carry out cremations. Services will take place in the Landmark Hotel instead. At least, this is the alternative arrangement that the crematorium’s owners have put in place for the period of closure…. but people may decide to make other arrangements.
There was an “open day” today at the hotel and I went with my friend and SICA colleague, Angela Maughan. Neither of us had actually been invited or indeed informed officially about the changes …. but we heard on the grapevine, and the possibility of free coffee drew us there!
View of the function room at Landmark Hotel
Sadly, no coffee on offer! Just Martin, one of the chapel attendants whom Dundee celebrants will know, looking a bit forlorn. But he was extremely helpful and showed us the room. Both of us have held ceremonies in the room in the past so we weren’t completely unfamiliar with them. The room can hold just over 100 people but there is also an overflow room. I was slightly more concerned about the car park. Actually, they have allocated quite a big area for funerals – probably more car spaces than at the crematorium itself. Of course, it’s not easy to say what people might do if it is full. There aren’t many streets close by to park on. Also, as it’s a hotel, people may decide to hold a post-service tea there and that could complicate parking.
Lectern and position of coffin at Landmark Hotel function room
The room itself – see photos – is a bit corporate but it’s OK. Angela worked some design magic on the curtains and blinds to create a better feel! Apparently there will be Obitus, so music will work in the usual way, there will be a screen for picture tributes, and there will be a camera for live streaming. None of that was in place today but we can hope that it will be there by Thursday when the first service is held there. (And they could do with some signage to direct mourners.)
In terms of timing, they told us to keep services to the 30 minutes that was the standard at the crematorium (except of course that we sometimes get told that it’s only 20 minutes…. and some officiants seem to take as long as they want….!). There will be a bit more time though for families to get in and out.
You may be able to see a trolley in one of the photos. That is where the coffin will be placed. It can either be in situ when people enter, or brought in at the start of the ceremony. The lectern is…. basic. And very small. But we suggested having a little table to place a glass of water etc.
Committal can be either by draping the coffin in a pall cloth, or taking it out to a side room or to a hearse (this will depend on the funeral director). Of course celebrants may come up with other innovative ideas for committal rituals.
They are estimating 16 weeks for the work to be completed. But that may require a spell of dry weather (!) and for nothing to go wrong. But even by the most optimistic forecast, that means this arrangement will be in place for a long time. I think it’s highly significant that take-up seems to be slow, which suggests that people and funeral directors are already thinking differently. If that means that people get more choice – with perhaps a better experience and maybe even pay a bit less then that can be no bad thing.
Recently I helped lead a project for SICA to stage two funerals for educational purposes. This involved us in conducting ceremonies for imagined people at Brewsterwells Crematorium near St Andrews.
Michael leads a committal at Brewsterwells Crematorium
I’m now starting to use the footage to help families plan funerals. It’s a great help to see the actual layout and get a visual picture of the different parts that make up a funeral. Even in this short time it has been useful to be able to show people what we mean by “committal” for example and how this can vary. It can depends on location – but also on the wishes of the family. Looking at photos of a real ceremony or even watching snippets of video is proving to be valuable.
From a local perspective, Dundee Crematorium is due to close next week (July 2024) for another set of major refurbishments. Cremations will still take place but services will be held at a hotel. While this will be a good solution for many families, it’s also possible that people may consider other places such as Parkgrove, Brewsterwells or Perth. (Especially for people who live near but not in Dundee itself.) It’s really helpful to be able to show people directly how different crematoriums look and work. The similarities and the differences.
The images are available to SICA members. But if you feel they would be useful in your work, contact us to discuss possibly sharing them.
Dundee Crematorium will close for services at the beginning of July. Cremations will still take place there, it’s just that funeral services won’t happen in the chapel. Instead, they have arranged for services to take place at the Landmark Hotel. This is quite close to the crematorium.
There is an information day on 1 July, so I will have more information after then about how it will work and can let anyone know.
But as I understand it, services will take place with the coffin in place at the hotel. The coffin will then be taken away (as a sort of committal) and driven to the crematorium.
This is actually similar to what some funeral directors are increasingly doing anyway. I have conducted funerals for William Purves and for Sturrock Comb and Davidson where there has been a funeral service held in their own rooms (both companies have venues in Broughty Ferry) with the coffin then being taken, unaccompanied by family, to Brewsterwells Crematorium. The exit of the coffin on its final journey is a moment for a respectful farewell.
The advantage of this arrangement is that the service can usually be a bit more relaxed in terms of time. Some crematoriums are notoriously strict on timing. Families may think they are booking a one-hour slot but as it takes time to get in and out, the actual time for a service shrinks to perhaps 20-30 minutes in total (it’s longer at Brewsterwells and some other newer crematoriums). Separating the service from the cremation in this way can also give more choice to the family in terms of venue. Some funeral directors have their own rooms but in theory you could hold the funeral anywhere appropriate. And perhaps save money.
The refurbishments are likely to take months so it will be interesting to see what impact this has on how funerals are conducted in Dundee and perhaps accelerate trends away from having a service in the crematorium itself.
I am delighted to see that the University of Glasgow End of Life Studies blog has published my post. I wrote it in collaboration with my friend and celebrant colleague Stella McCulloch (seen above to the right of me, after speaking as a “student friend of Alex”).
